Turning around of my spiritual concept
Once, as I was praying, I thought of an old couple from church. This kind couple is very faithful at attending church services; however, they rarely prayed in public and they didn't show a thorough knowledge about Christianity. They showed their faith through their love for the church and its members.
While I was getting treatment, every time I went to church, this elderly couple would ask me about my health. Although their words were limited, I could feel their love and compassion through their eyes. They treated me as if I were their daughter, and I felt unworthy because I did not know them that well.
That day as I started to pray for this couple, I was brought up to God's throne in spirit, and while I heard countless people and angels singing new songs and praising God's salvation, I heard God laughing loudly and happily. His laughing voice resounded in the whole universe.
Suddenly, I understood a couple of things: first of all, God is the happiest being in the universe, because everything is in His control and He knows how to deal with each problem. As His children, we have no reason to worry about anything.
Next thing I found is that this couple who seemed ordinary, and even unspiritual in my eyes, made God so happy. This really surprised me and I felt ashamed for my incorrect perspective on spirituality.
So in my heart, I asked the Lord, "I am such an unworthy person, why are you letting me know all this?" and the Lord replied immediately, "This is because I want you to be like them, and to walk on this path."
This experience gave me a deep thought. I used to have a performance-oriented world view. I valued outward performance and always tried to win approval from God and man by "successful" work. Now I realize how wrong it was. It totally contradicted the essence of Christ's salvation. For this I repented with my whole heart before the Lord. As it is written in the Bible, "What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." (Luke 16:15)
Now I understand that outward service, status, position, intelligence, noble or low, rich or poor, success or failure, honour or dishonour, all mean nothing before the Lord's judgment throne. The only thing that God seeks in me is His Son's heart and character.
I was enlightened that how I had been unlike the Lord and had had no love to others in my life. In my sincere confession and contrition, I have tasted a great release and great joy that I had never had before
Great light of the cross
Now I begin to understand a little what Paul said: "For I resolved to know nothing... except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." (1 Cor. 2:2) I am always a sinner-I need to look upon God's cross and to hide in His precious blood every moment.
The greatest reward that I incurred during these years in Canada is to see the great light and the great love of the cross! How I thank God for His mercy on a sinner like me. The physical body the Lord healed will still fade away, but the essence of Christ formed in our life by God's hands has real value and glory, and will endure forever.
In every circumstance we face, may the Lord help us to know His heart, obey Him and accept His carving on us, so we may live out His likeness, truly satisfy His heart and glorify His most holy name.